I want to lose 25% of myself

To myself in 6 months,

I promise to work hard. I promise to put good stuff into you. I promise that the creaking and pain will slowly go away and I promise that we can do this. It will hurt, it will suck and it will be hard but dammit, it will be worth it. When you look down and see that beautiful ink and are proud to show it off, that will be your reward. 

You can do this. You are strong and You can fight through the pain.

Love Me.



Today is a hard day. It is the day that I finally get off my ass and commit to lose it. I do not have any more excuses and reason why I cannot do it. All I have is my own fear, my own insecurities and my own self destruction keeping it from happening. I may feel beautiful some times right now but I need to imagine and hold on to how happy I will be when I can run a mile in 9 minutes and when I can fit into clothing from all the expensive brands I love. I need to remind myself of how beautiful the pawn belt tattoo will look across my stomach and hips and how utterly amazing the marigolds, peonies and other flowers will look scattered around my body.

Starting tonight I will be going to my local recreation center and spending enough time to totally kick my ass on the cardio machines. It may start out as 5 minutes but dammit, tomorrow I will make it to 6 and then Wednesday I will make it to 7.

I know I will have days where everything seems easy and that I can keep this up forever but I also know I will have days where the thought of watching what I eat will suck and the thought of working out one more time will make me cringe but I promise myself that I will shake those bad days off and will climb back on the machine the next day. If I eat something horrible for me I will not give up hope and take another swan dive off the healthy wagon. I will just admit that I am human and will do better the next day. I will not deprive myself so much that this is yet another failed attempt and rapid weight loss.

I only have to push it until it is a habit. I can do this one day at a time. I can lose 2-3# a week for the first 8 then 1-2# a week for the rest of the week.